I am cleaning out my closet. Literally and figuratively. I am leaving Sydney next week and have to throw things out and pack the rest.
On a more personal note I am cleaning out my closet of negatives. I don’t need it in my life. I realized the last few weeks that I am too good hearted to some people that don’t deserve my love and support. For a long time I have been sorting the negative things out and I am still really good at that. Sometimes I just forget it for a little while and then I sit there with negative and poisonous people around me. People that are not doing me anything good. People that are using me. People that only take their time to see me when it’s convenient for them. People that take me for granted. People that use my support and trust for their own gain. People that doesn’t give anything to me. People that are not honest with themselves. People that think it’s okay to use other people.
I don’t want people like that in my life. I have let a few people in to my life that turned out to be that. If I had looked good and hard at them, I would’ve seen this. I would’ve seen that they are not good people. That they use people. I am good at reading people but sometimes I try to push my first read and impression of them away to give them a chance. I’m very few situations they prove my first impression wrong. But most of the times it stick and they turn out to be exactly what I thought they would be. That is for me so sad. I always believe in the best in people – one of the things that is a major flaw but also major positive I have.
I have deleted and pushed these people away now. They are no longer welcome in my life.
I am cleaning out my closet. I want amazing people that will give me as much priority as I give them.
Don’t take me for granted. I don’t deserve it! I know I don’t.
When life keeps you busy you just gotta go with it. I am currently on mid break from uni in Sydney and traveling around Australia, which is why I haven’t posted anything in a while.
I am happy and enjoying my life and will make posts as soon as I get back to my computer and have time for it.
In the meantime – remember to be happy. If you want to laugh do it, don’t let people tell you what you can and can’t do. 😘
That feeling of : “no this can’t be real. Can I be this? No it can’t be real!”
I had that feeling today. It seems so unreal everything happening around me.
In the past 3 years I have been across the globe and back. I’ve been so many places and I can honestly say I’ve been complete in it and happy with it. I have not done anything I would regret or trade for anything. What I have done since my husband died has all been for me – to take my mind to the state of ME and the new ME!
But still I get the feeling that all of this can’t be real. How can I deserve this? How can I be this lucky?
It hit me full on in the train going to the airport. I looked at the Opera House in Sydney out of the train. In that second my life made me loose my breath. How can your life make you loose your breath!? I honestly don’t know. But in that moment, for 10 seconds, I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I was in the most safe place in a long time. I was in complete and utterly peace! WOW!
Take a look around you – take a deep breath – think of what has happened and was is ahead of you. Think of how lucky you are to be alive. Think of how fast it can be taken away. Think of what you have been through. Think of where it had taken you.
Look at where you are! Inhale the pain and exhale the love! ❤️
We can have all the best people around us in the world but still sometimes feel like we are alone.
We have to be able to zone out and be who we are. I have the feeling of being alone sometimes. It doesn’t mean I am depressed or whatever some people might call it. It just mean I need to focus on myself for a little bit. Sometimes I need people around me when I feel alone and sometimes I just need to be myself. No matter how I feel I need to be able to speak up and tell the people around me what I want. If I want to be alone I won’t answer any texts or maybe just very few people. If I want to hang out with someone I have to say something.
It is not always that easy to speak out. You sometimes just want people to read your mind! Oh how life would be easy if others could read your mind and the other way around.
When I do feel alone I try to remind myself of all the good things I have in life. The things I have been through has made me stronger. Loosing my husband, almost loosing my mom just after and my dad before that to be honest – it has all given me scars but scars I will never be without. It has shaped me to the one I am today. Some people might think I am a tough chick or a bitch or something even worse. But I know that they think that because they can’t put themselves in my shoes and don’t want them to. But when they do end up getting to know me they also see that I am not any of those words. I am strong and I am a very nice and genuine person. We all have things we need to work on our entire life. That is okay. We can’t stay they same – that would be a very sad situation. Things change and so do we.
Remember to say no and say yes and say what you want. I practice it every day – and I am still no master at it. No one will ever be!
Have a good day guys. You are all awesome!
I was just reminded yesterday, that 3 years ago, I took the last decision to leave everything behind. I quit my job, decided to leave my apartement, sell all my things and go to Canada.
I have to say things really has taken a different direction since I lost my husband. I would change all of this I have today if I could get him back in a heartbeat. Would not take me a nano second to decide that. But I can’t change my past. I can’t change the fact that he died and therefor I decided to go one way – and that was forward! I decided to change my life. I decided to not be in a place where I could feel myself go down in a spiral. I wanted to go on with my life and I did.
Here I am in Sydney, I have been to Canada and completely changed my life.
I have a future that is full of love because Jonas taught me that real love exist. It is out there and I have experienced it. I will forever be grateful for what he gave me – and also this. He gave me this life. I know he wanted me to follow my heart like I have always done. I will forever love him!
When life gives you lemons – make lemonade. I am a living proof that it is actually the best way to live life. Get the best out of it.
You choose how to use your past in your future!