Here comes a post about random thoughts that just came to me – something I have been through.
I have been single for a little while now. It did not end the way I wanted lets just say it like that. The funny thing about this is, it did not come out of nowhere. I had seen it coming for quite some time. I saw the signs that he didn’t want to be with me. I saw that he didn’t prioritise me. I still had the thought – what if… ? As soon as you feel like that you are not in the right place. Don’t just keep going – that’s what everyone tells us. They say: “why are you still with this person” or “you should not be treated like that” and so on. It all makes perfect sense AFTER. It makes sense when you are out of it and look back at what that thing was. Was it really something you wanted to spend your time on? Well yeah maybe that was exactly what you felt was right and could have been absolutely mind blowing perfect IN A DIFFERENT TIME. See things are not always what it looks like. Maybe the person you were with would have been the one for you if you had met them in another scenary or another time in your life. It’s really not easy to know what could have been.
This situation I was in was an insanely good match – okay so this story can actually fit on 2 people in my life. The match was perfect in that sense that we really hit it off and people could see how good we were for each other. The problem was either one or the other was ready for that kind of love or relationship. One story goes in to becoming the best friends in the world and I love him to pieces and miss him. The other story goes a little different – it’s the last one this post is about.
That guy ended up being really mysterious and not taking his time to see me, to be with me or anything like it was in the first few months. To begin with he showed me everything you need and want in a relationship; commitment and prioritising that person. Almost in an instant it changed. I still had the thought – what if it actually could go back to what was. Nah don’t fool yourself Maria – Well maybe it could – those were the thoughts going in and out of my mind all the time. I was in a constant limbo of “I’m done” or “I’ll talk to him and see what he wants”.
I know we all have been in this situation and we can’t really see it until we are out of it. Which is actually okay! Remember to enjoy it as long as you are actually enjoying it. But in the second it becomes a battle – is it really worth it? NO! Love, relationship etc. should not be a constant battle or a bunch of why’s – it should be bumpy and easy. Bumpy means that you need that edge in a relationship and easy means it shouldn’t be a struggle to get to see the other person or feel their love for you.
Not sure what I wanted to say with this – think it came out of me thinking where I was in my life and that I am really feeling that I have something to give and I want to give it to someone who cares for me and thinks I am amazing. Someone who opens doors for me and thinks I am beautiful when I just woke up in my PJ’s. Someone who looks at me like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. Someone who appreciates me doing the exact same thing to him. Being the ping pong, being that person the person calls when something happens, that person that you want to tell everything to and that tells you everything.
WE ALL DESERVE IT. Sometimes it just takes time. I know I have had it once and I believe I will have it again. Maybe it is right in front of me and maybe I need to do some soul searching and see it. What I do know, is that holding on to the feeling someone that wasn’t good for you made you feel – is not good. I still feel like I could’ve done something different – but when I really think about it and then it really comes to it – it takes two to tango. You need that ping pong buddy.
This became a way longer post than I thought. Hope it at least made you stop and think if you are in the right place in your life. Feel in your guts if that is the right thing for you. Don’t overthink it, just feel it!
Good day/night wherever in the world you are. ❤